Thursday, February 9, 2012

My Drunk Valentine

For Valentine's day, Warren Tales is bringing you a D.I.Y. tutorial on how to make three alcohol-based greeting cards. Rather than a succinct and cleverly edited video--and thanks to my own computer illiteracy (potentially encouraged, in part, by the fact that I spent all day drinking)--however, I humbly offer you two jovially written reports, and the only portion of a day's filming that has any functioning audio or general usability. And so, without further ado, I hope you enjoy this 35 minutes of delightful and bewildering banter as you, too, tipsily paint and craft your way to being My Drunk Valentine.

Número Uno: Tequila y Amor (Possibly More of One Than the Other)

The first card of the occasion was executed as a postcard, painted with an 1800 Tequila and Pomegranate & Lime juice combo. The Pomegranate & Lime juice, being mostly pear juice, however (funny what you discover when you read the ingredients of food products), lead it to paint on far too light, so I had to get my food colouring on. But a solid serving of what was probably more than a healthy dose of red dye later, and I was sitting pretty.

First, I drew a grid of hearts in pencil, leaving two squares blank near the bottom in favour of two trusty letters, "I" and "U". Next, I burst out of my kindergarten-trained box and painted outside of lines. Felt good. Admittedly, so did the cocktail. Finally, as I wrapped up my first card, I added some pizazz by going back over my pencil lines with a red LePen and a gold gel pen, as per the image below.

In retrospect, rather than breaking out of kindergarten, it would appear that I momentarily returned to it. Good times.

Nummer Zwei: Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier Dark (Easier to Drink Than Say)

If I was born in the United States, it's possible that this video would eliminate my possibility of running for political office... Enjoy!

My Drunk Valentine from Warren Tales on Vimeo.

Opa, Cheers, and Wa Hey!

Numéro trois: Cabernet Sauvignon (This Wine Can Speak About as Much French as I Can)

My third, and last, card was the one I was actually looking forward to making the most (plus, I was in a curiously good mood at this point, and just happy to be raising another glass, hmm). For this card, I got to return to one of my favourite new tricks: wine watercolours.

I used a pencil and a stencil (and made further rhymes by investigating some tinsel) to faintly trace out an ampersand in the middle of my card, and painted the heart from the wine in my glass over the outline. Once the wine had dried, several people braced themselves and I proceeded to cut out the positive pieces of my design with a craft knife. Et voila!

So, somehow, over a day of increased alcoholic consumption (A.K.A. "Gettin' Krunk"), I managed to produce the best product last. Riddle me that.


And there you have it: three cards that you yourself can make, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in celebrate (and entertain) the people in your life.

I'd like to extend a big thank you to my roommate, Jack, for letting me borrow his computer after mine gracelessly ceased to fulfill it's primary function as my robot slave; the friendly man at the liquor store, for recommending a delicious beer (the very one you witnessed); the ever-intoxicated--but well fed--Hannah Hart, of My Drunk Kitchen, for inspiring the madness (I should send her a card); and all those who encouraged me to get drunk and publicly post it to the world wide web--so many! How curious...

Party on, Warren.

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